You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
