Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
