So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
