I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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