she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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