You're my little dorito
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
