Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
