We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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