True but thats because hes a fetus.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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