So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
