i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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