Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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