Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
