The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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