fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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