so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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