He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Moan for me like Helen Keller
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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