I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize