im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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