It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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