I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
