Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
