puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
