Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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