Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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