New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
