Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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