Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
