I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
