she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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