she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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