Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
