I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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