What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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