His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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