the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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