I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize