I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
