you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
