I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
