the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
