so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
