mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
porn star boner night. come get it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
