I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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