Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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