i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
whose ass print is on the piano?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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