I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
