I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
