I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
