I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
