don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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