Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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