Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
