grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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