They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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