Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
