she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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