i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
