It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
