apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize