I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
