I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
