well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize