just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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