hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
