It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
