I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
