yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
