What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
