dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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