Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My Sexting was not on an AP level
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
