I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am available for nakedness
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
