I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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