Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
