I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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