he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
