guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
