I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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