Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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