Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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