woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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