just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
