If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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