We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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