All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
